Rough beginning to summer...

I think I'm ready to tell my story.... and please- no sympathy comments. I truly am doing much better than I ever expected. I am mainly writing this as documentation for myself...

This story begins on Thursday afternoon, May 10, 2012. I had been very nauseated, moody, emotional, etc. any symptom of being pregnant you can think of...so on our way home from Auburn we stopped at the store and purchased a pregnancy test. Let me stop here to say, we were not trying to get pregnant, yet. We got home and I took one....then another...and finally the third one- all positive. We were so excited! Nervous, but excited! My first thought was, "Janie Ann is not going to be my baby anymore, but she will be an amazing big sister!" I call the doctors office the next day to set up an appointment to confirm what we already knew- and since I am diabetic I go to the doctor more than most. I talked with Dr. Litsey's nurse and she laughed at me when I told her overall we had taken 5 test (ok, so we went and purchased 2 more!). She said you are most definitely pregnant. That was the Friday before Mother's day, so we decided that we would tell everyone on Mother's day- we tell early because my diabetes and the early weeks of pregnancy do not go well together- I would randomly drop extremely low and while family would recognize it once it happened- if they knew we were expecting they watch me a little closer! Anyways- we celebrated and everyone was so excited!

Well...Wednesday, May 16th our world was crushed with the beginning of the hardest 3 weeks of my life. I started bleeding. Of course I immediately call my mother and then my sister-in-law, both nurses, who tell me to take it easy- this is a normal side effect of pregnancy, sometimes. Especially since I wasn't cramping or anything at all. I needed to lay on my side, drink lots of water and stay hydrated and I was told to call the on-call doctor to let them know. So, I called and Dr. Golden was on-call. He again reassured me that this was common and not to stress- the first step would be to have my hCG Levels checked- hCG is a hormone that your body  produces once you become pregnant. The range of the numbers to prove you are pregnant are crazy- during week 5 they should be between 5 and 5,000! So, we had to have that checked on Thursday and then come back on Monday to have them checked again to have numbers compared. My first hCG level was 251, then we had to wait ALL.WEEKEND.LONG! Needless to say, Seth would not allow me to do anything at all that weekend. I have never been so tired of taking naps! :) He truly went above and beyond to keep me rested, fed and hydrated- along with keeping our very active toddler occupied. The weekend finally came to an end and it was time to face the doctor's office, again. Now, mind you-- this was the last week of the school year and for my school it was time for finals and 1/2 days! I went first thing Monday morning, with the approval of my principal to return to work late on Monday after my lab appointment. So, I went and had my blood drawn and then went to school to wait....and wait...and wait... I finally received a phone call from Dr. Litsey that afternoon and he told me that my numbers had increased but only to 346- my numbers had not doubled. Which could mean a number of things, but most definitely meant that this was not a viable pregnancy. He was very through in explaining the different situations and told me to come back in about a week to have my numbers checked again, but to definitely call if I began having any cramps or abdominal pain because that most definitely meant that it was a tubal pregnancy and it could cause my tube to rupture, which could cause problems if not fixed quickly. So, of course the tears came-- along with having to tell all the family about what we were going through (although most of them already knew).  It was an extremely hard night thinking about what I could have done differently to prevent this from happening- researching on google (HUGE MISTAKE!). Of course, I know there is nothing that I could have done differently to prevent this from happening and this was in God's plan- while I might not understand it right now, there was a reason that this was not meant to be and this is something that I have to constantly remind myself of- especially when I see on facebook all of my friends who are currently expecting/having babies. The next day I'm giving a biology exam and I start to cramp up extremely bad- to the point of tears. I know the group of boys that I was reading the exam to were extremely confused as to why I was crying about the tundra! I called the doctor and his nurse called me back and told me to be at the office that afternoon at 2:30 for an ultrasound to try to identify where this pregnancy was located and to ensure that my tube had no ruptured. Since this was the last day of school- my school released at noon, but Seth's class was celebrating at the swimming pool! Thankfully he has a very understanding administration and a great team of teachers that he works with that allowed him to leave to be with me during the ultrasound. So, we arrived at the doctor's office and waited for our name to be called. I can't remember the US Tech's name, but she was great with us when I was pregnant with Janie Ann and she was also great this time. She asked questions and then explained everything that she saw in the US. I had a mass of red blood cells in the left tube- meaning I had an ectopic pregnancy. She was so sweet when I broke down in tears in her office. She called Dr. Litsey to see what the next step would be, which was surgery, and because I was crying she gave me a hug and found Seth and I a seat that was not in the waiting room- away from everyone so people wouldn't look at us/talk. (I'm crying as I type this- she truly was great at that time.) Dr. Litsey then called Amy- the lady who we went to discuss the surgery with- he requested to speak to me and explained that while he would love to be able to do the surgery and be with me at this time, he was getting ready to leave the country on vacation and was leaving shortly. He asked if his partner, Dr. Marino, could do the procedure for me and that was fine with me- Dr. Marino actually helped to deliver Janie Ann. He answered all of my questions and we were prepared to be at the hospital at 4:30 for surgery. 

Of course, we called everyone and while I did desperately want my mother to be there, but I understood it was not possible. When we were in pre-op talking to the doctor my Aunt showed up- I couldn't believe it, but it made me feel so much better because she didn't want Seth and I to be there alone. (Even though we told everyone not to worry about coming) Dr. Marino came in and talked to Seth and I about the surgery and then another option, methotrexate, which is used during chemotherapy to help your body stop reproducing new red blood cells. With the shot it was possible that I would be very nauseated, tired, headaches, and the big kicker was- it might not work and we might end up in surgery anyways. Of course, Seth and I talked about it and Seth went and called Sheena and Dr. Marino was wonderful and talked to Sheena and explained why he thought it was the best option. (And being the great SIL that she is- she asked about our upcoming beach trip which we were not able to go on. :() Sheena thought it would be the best option, along with my Aunt and Seth. So, we chose to have the shot and not undergo surgery. I had to have a lot of blood drawn to check different levels and then I also had to have the rH Factor shot because Seth and i have opposite something (dealing with blood...not positive what exactly it does, but I know that I had to get it when I was pregnant with Janie Ann, too). We were finally able to leave the hospital that night at 9:30ish. Thankfully everyone was going to Clark's pre-school graduation so Janie Ann didn't even realize we were missing because she was with her best friends! A huge thank you to Memaw, Grandpa and everyone else that night that kept Janie Ann for us and I would like to apologize to my niece because we were not able to make it that night- I know she will never remember or even realized we weren't there, but I cried and cried because we had to miss it. With the shot I had to go back to the office for blood work on the following Tuesday to ensure that my hCG levels were decreasing- and I had to continue to return every week until the levels were at zero. The first week following the shot, my levels were back down to 251, the next week they were down to 130, the next week they were down to 98- this past week I was certain they would be at 0, but they were at 37- so I have to return on Tuesday for more lab work. Praying that they will be at zero and this phase will be done. Prayers would be greatly appreciated!

With the chemo-type drug it is recommended that you wait 3 months from the shot before you attempt to get pregnant again...I am assuming it is because of all the drugs and the unknowns of what they do to the body. It has been extremely hard to look on Facebook and hear friends talk about finding out they are expecting or seeing pregnant women in the doctors office while I wait to have my blood drawn knowing that I am not longer pregnant. It sucks, but I know that there was a reason this happened and while I might not understand it now- I will one day. I have repeatedly had to tell myself, "God will not give you more than you can handle"   

Now that this is off my chest- hopefully I can update the blog some more and it be about fun summer activities that we are doing! And more pictures my blog has been picture-less here lately, and that is no fun!!